Collaborative Divorce
In addition to the comprehensive services 3-C Family Services offers its clients, we also offer Families in Transition. In cooperation with the attorneys and financial specialists from Collaborative Divorce Experts, Families in Transition is a group of mental health professionals who can guide you through the collaborative divorce process and help you answer the tough questions.
Collaborative divorce is a more peaceful dissolution of a marriage—out of court. In collaborative divorce, each spouse agrees to try and resolve their differences outside of court (in a series of conferences) using the help of a team of experts helping them build the skills they need to work toward an exceptionally healthy agreement. In collaborative divorce, the parents make all of the decisions for the family, not a judge, mediator, or professional.
Separation or divorce is, for many couples, one of the most difficult and defining events in life. It may involve intense feelings of grief, pain, anger, guilt, sadness, and more. These feelings are hard to avoid in a transition often defined by loss, anger, conflict, betrayal, and financial uncertainty. This is true for children as well as adults.
The goal of collaborative divorce is to assist families in having healthier parents, children, and financial futures together. Often times, judges, attorneys, and/or mediators don’t have expert training and experience in child development or the short- and long-term impact of divorce on children and families. The experts at Families in Transition exist to advise your family in an unbiased manner about what to expect, what has worked for other families, what is normal, and what to watch out for in the future.
Each professional plays a unique role in the collaborative divorce process. Within the process, divorcing couples will complete parenting plans (if needed), financial plans, and co-parent communication plans.
We Can Help
For more information about Families in Transition, please contact us at (919) 677-0101
Co-Parenting
Parenting can be difficult under the best circumstances. During the divorce process, each parent is struggling to re-define themselves and restructure the family. This struggle can be intensified by pain, anger, and lack of knowledge regarding how to best support their children during the divorce process. Further, parenting skills can be compromised by legal issues, financial issues, parental disagreement, and parents’ personal issues. Successful navigation of divorce requires both individual and familial adjustment and healing.
Impact on the Individual
Divorcing individuals go through three stages in order to heal and move on. First, they must let go of the wounds of the past. This means letting go physically (e.g., no longer mowing former spouse’s lawn) and emotionally (e.g., no longer expecting emotional support from former spouse). The next stage is disengagement or being free to choose new partners and no longer feeling connected by love, desire, or anger. This often involves going through the grief process. Finally, individuals realign to their new role as single or co-parent. Proficient co-parents have equal accountability and equal worth, but may differ in specific responsibilities, therefore working together to best meet the needs of their children.
Impact on Children
The child’s age and stage of development influences how he/she will react to the news of divorce. Some common reactions include:
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Separation anxiety or clingy behavior
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Aggression
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Withdrawal
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Low frustration tolerance
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Eating and sleeping disturbances
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Sensitivity to criticism
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Physical complaints
Parental conflict is the single most harmful factor in children’s maladjustment to divorce.
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According to Martson (1994), five requirements must be met to positively influence a child’s healthy adjustment and development during and after the separation of the family:
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Children must be shielded from their parents’ conflict.
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Children must be given permission to love both parents.
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Children must be able to maintain relationships with both parents without being caught in the middle of parental warfare.
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Parents must be able to realign their relationship from former spouses to co-parents.
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Parents must successfully cope with the effects of divorce and reconstruct their lives.
Divorce Consulting
In addition to their work in collaborative divorce, the professionals with Families in Transition support families that have separated/divorced by any method. Families in Transition clinicians also serve as divorce consultants who are prepared to help separating/divorcing families:
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Establish effective co-parent communication skills that result in healthier/happier children
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Assess children’s needs and functioning post-separation/divorce
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Provide the best strategies for talking with children about separation/divorce at any developmental stage
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Provide expert guidance on the impact of separation/divorce on children from now into their distant future
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Advise parents about the latest research and strategies for raising families post-separation/divorce
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Help parents navigate and problem solve co-parenting challenges and differences of opinion
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Prepare parents for a long future of co-parenting including the healthiest plans for talking about divorce in the future, introducing children to dating and/or future romantic partners, and co-parenting with children who have transitioned out of the immediate family (e.g. college, workforce, etc.)
The anticipated benefit of working with divorce consultants is healthier relationships between children and parents. Divorce consultants act as experts on the short- and long-term impact and expectations of separation and divorce and can help no matter how near or long ago your family’s transition.
Each divorce consultant has participated in extensive divorce training sessions to learn how to adapt their skills to support families in transition.
